Are You Dating A Sex Offender?

A female friend of mine, Stella (fake name to protect her naivete), announced to me recently that she had met someone on-line and decided to take the next step to meet her Mr. Right.

“What do you know about him?” I asked innocently and Stella proclaimed an extensive knowledge of his past, present and future.

Being in the background screening business has built in a heightened sense of skepticism. Sure, I want to believe people at their word but I believe in safety first. Always.

“Did you do a background check on him?” I asked.

This question seemed to freeze Stella in her tracks. It’s a delicate question.

In today’s society a large percentage of the population relies on social media, such as Facebook, MySpace, and a hundred others, for personal interaction with other people. It’s an electronic human touch. But there is a mask that the Internet allows us to wear, one where we can create any persona, good or bad. Certainly the majority of on-line users assume an honest facade but how many don’t? Even if it is an on-line relationship and not a so-called “real life” one, the question remains: Are you dating a Sex Offender?

According to data retrieved from missingkids.com, as of July 2009 it is estimated that California has 117,408 REGISTERED sex offenders. Do the math:

• 319 per 100,000 people
• 31.9 per 10,000 people
• 3.19 per 1,000
• or, 1 in 300

Of course California is the largest state in the Union so statistically there would be a large population of registered sex offenders. However, in Vermont, a state with a population substantially less, has 394 per 100,000 offenders on the registry and Oregon is at 417 per 100k.

I asked Stella again, “Did you do a background check on Mr. Right?”

“No.” Stella asked me what I would do.

Before the first face to face meeting I told Stella to do a Criminal and Civil Background Check. You don’t want to drive around with someone with possession charges or a DUI, especially if these issues didn’t come up during a wild chat session. Of course there is that chance that Mr. Right is already married to Mrs. Right. Perhaps that didn’t come up in conversation. I’m just saying. And a sex offender registry check would be mandatory, on both individuals. Statistically there are more male sex offenders than female but safe is safe. As the saying goes, better safe than sorry, no matter how slight the cases of something inappropriate appearing. It is a tricky topic to bring up and if the other party balks, maybe that is a sign, maybe not. The best policy would be to discuss everything before you meet. Everything.

Stella asked Mr. Right if it would be okay to do a background check. She explained in detail her concerns, made sure he understood, and he agreed. When I ran the report Mr. Right came back Mr. Right.

For more on Dating Background Checks go to our Dating Background Check Page.